Ghost of my beating heart.

Sometimes I delve into my thoughts like I delve into your brown eyes. 

Listen to my heart beating whose rhythm only spells your name.

The skin on my hand tingles in anticipation as I think about touching you. Holding you.  being embraced like a child.

I close my eyes,  trying to get a hint of your cologne.
Crazy? 
Maybe. 

But it doesn't matter.

I smile. You're here.  

Maybe not physically,  but in a deeper way.  I can feel you. Hell,  I can even see you. 

You're there with me in everything I do. May it be just a chore. I know you enough to imagine you sitting beside me with your legs tucked under you,  commenting on my very move.

Sometimes,  I can't wait to see you.
I grow restless.  But I know that it's worth it.
I sleep peacefully because I'm assured that I'll see you the next day.
It's a sweet kinda love. But it's agonizing too.

Because when you reluctantly leave my side,  the ghost of my beating heart almost runs after you only to be reined by the hope that I'll see you again tomorrow.

Keep dreaming!

Empty.

Alone.
Do you know what that means?
Have you ever experienced being alone firsthand?
I'm not talking about being alone in a room, cuddling into your pillows or being scared and lonely on an empty road late at night.
I'm talking about that feeling when you're surrounded by people but you still feel as lonely as the first man on Earth.
Being alone is a very varied feeling. It depends on circumstances, mood and whatnot. And sometimes it may depend upon a single person.
Or maybe a group of people you thought of as family. Or when everything seems to be slipping out of your hands and the world around you seems to be burning in hatred towards you.
Do you feel alone? Or lonely?

What happened?

I lost you.

I lose. Everytime.

This is what happens.

I don't understand anything else. I don't want to.

Things have a certain way of working.

People don't.

People change and sometimes so drastically that when you're reduced to ashes, you ask yourself, what happened.

Circumstances happened.

Life happened.

The hurt comes from the fact that the same person that you loved will not come back.

That shy guy with big brown eyes has turned into something unrecognizable.
 And there's nothing you can do except accept it.
you do.
Your heart can't.
Because whatever happened.
You lost him.

Love ain't what you think.

If it doesn't make you feel immortal,
it ain't love.
If it doesn't make you feel as if you can swim a thousand miles for a kiss,
it ain't love.
If it doesn't make your heart clench with fear when you see "We need to talk."
It ain't love.
If it doesn't break you to see them break,
it ain't love.
If you don't feel like showing them off,
it ain't love.
If you don't feel as if you're the luckiest person on this galaxy,
Then, no sweetie, then it ain't love.
Love isn't measured by PDA or texts.
It measured, that's why it is love.
Love ain't easy.
It is a path of thorns where you go for the sweet release to numbness.
So is it worth it?

What your love does to me.

You're the one who unleashes the beast.
Strokes its warm fur and coaxes it to wreak havoc on me.
You're the weak sunlight on a chilly winter day.
Spreading warmth and calmness and hope for better days.
You're the wave that starts as gentle but becomes proud and fierce.
Always moving forward.
You're that goddamn beautiful evening sky, that inspires people to create breathtaking pieces of art.
You're the one who makes me wonder about the meaning of our existence.
You give me purpose.
You're so so bloody beautiful that yes,
it hurts to look.
But you're mine.
So, I'd take thousand worth of hurt to come at your doorstep
for even a tenth of the cure.

What do you know about pain?

You know what happens when a truck hits your side of the car at 150 km/hr?
The victim goes into a shock and it results in immediate cardiac arrest. The hearts stops pumping blood. You don't bleed. Because your organs are failing. All at once. The blood which is being collected in abundance, has nowhere to go, as there are a limited number of passages in our body, which lead out.

So you seep.

You go all pale, your lips turn blue and your eyes turn red because the blood inside you is trying to find a way to come out. This all takes place within a matter of few seconds.
I'm not a Biology student. Still, this is a well known fact.

Now,let me tell you a lesser known fact.

There comes a stage in your life, where it hurts so bad that you don't cry, scream, shout or thrash. You got so much that you seep.
They don't show this stuff in the movies. For, it is too ugly.
You start to seep emotions. Tears. Pain. Because there is no way out. No way to escape the pain.
You just sit there like a mime and seep. The catch?
You don't get to die.

Keep Dreaming!

The Trooper.

But often he is lying alone,
in the shadows of the crumbling wall.

Lost in the trackless jungle of his pain.
He clutches the pitiless red earth in vain
and whimpers like a stricken animal.
The world doesn't favour him.
But he isn't the one accepts anything below his bar.
With the taste of defeat still lingering on his tongue,
 he holds his injured arm,
which bleeds not just blood but the song of his courage.
He makes his way towards the light at the end of the tunnel. Again.
Because he may not be the one who wins every war.
He's not the ruler of his fate.

But he also isn't the one who's been taught to give up on his dreams.

Keep Dreaming!