What happened?

I lost you.

I lose. Everytime.

This is what happens.

I don't understand anything else. I don't want to.

Things have a certain way of working.

People don't.

People change and sometimes so drastically that when you're reduced to ashes, you ask yourself, what happened.

Circumstances happened.

Life happened.

The hurt comes from the fact that the same person that you loved will not come back.

That shy guy with big brown eyes has turned into something unrecognizable.
 And there's nothing you can do except accept it.
you do.
Your heart can't.
Because whatever happened.
You lost him.

The Trooper.

But often he is lying alone,
in the shadows of the crumbling wall.

Lost in the trackless jungle of his pain.
He clutches the pitiless red earth in vain
and whimpers like a stricken animal.
The world doesn't favour him.
But he isn't the one accepts anything below his bar.
With the taste of defeat still lingering on his tongue,
 he holds his injured arm,
which bleeds not just blood but the song of his courage.
He makes his way towards the light at the end of the tunnel. Again.
Because he may not be the one who wins every war.
He's not the ruler of his fate.

But he also isn't the one who's been taught to give up on his dreams.

Keep Dreaming!

No Strings Attached.

love me,

because you're like a poem
easy and fun to read
but hard to decipher.
I'm the poet.
And I like challenges.

need me,

'cause like a wounded animal,
I'm in need for it.
caring hands
caressing words
a little warmth.

Care for me,

because a human always pines
for temporary delights.
and love,
well love is the most temporary
delight of all.
Care will always linger
like an aftertaste.

And,
       this love will have
no strings attached
because like a rubber band
promises always bounce back
and kills me inside.
     
            And this killing,
I cannot survive.
Just let me be a temporary delight
and pretend to love myself for being
a minute adrenaline rush in
someone's extensive life.



Keep Dreaming!

Unkept Promises.

You said you didn't use me,
then why am I feeling like a whiskey bottle, which is only important until the drink's over. Gone.
You said you would never hurt me,
then why do I feel as if someone just ripped open my chest, yanked my heart and guts out and left me lying on the floor to die. But not quite dead.
Undead.
You said you'd never leave me,
then why am I feeling like a lone cigarette in the pack.
Unlit.
You told me that you'll never break my heart.
Then why do I feel as if it just broke into a thousand hundred pieces and there's nothing -NOTHING!- I can do to put it back.
Together.
You said you love me.
And now I look back to all these promises you didn't keep and why does it feel as if you never loved me at all.

Contradictions.

My life has been a series of contradictions. Every time I think I can't do it, I do. Every time I think yes, it is the end, it's not. Every time I try to hold myself back, I fail. Every time I try not to stumble on your stupid lies, I trip. Every time I try not to fall for those soft brown eyes, crooked smile and faint acne around your nose, I fall. I fall hard. It's so hard not to. I hold myself back from what I yearn because I know, that when you abandon me and I crash on the floor, with shudders running up and down my body, shaking me apart and I give my 100 per cent not to let the pieces of my heart scatter at your feet. I know that you won't be the who helps me to stop shuddering and sweep all those pieces. For I know this much that, I am alone.
Keep Dreaming!

To love is to destroy.

If your love is my impending destruction, then it is also the cure.
And I'm ready to be destroyed a hundredth-fold, to come at your doorstep for a tenth-fold of your love. 

Keep Dreaming!

Forever.

So many times in our life, some moments leave us uncertain.
With absolutely no answers.
So many little touches, whispers, caresses and words. And of course, the imprint on our soul too.
 There are some people, who when leave you, it just hurts. You remember them. You cherish the memories.
 But then, there are some people who when go away, it destroys you. . You were so, so dependent on their existence in your life. They were your life.
Then BAM!
You 're not with them anymore.
It freaking aches.
Your insides turn and your legs turn into jelly. It tears you apart, the mere thought that you're never gonna touch them, never gonna hear them say your name again.
 Their essence is gone from your life. It's never a good feeling.
They're good as dead. But you don't want it to be that way.
You want them to stay forever.

I know, forever is a misconception.
Nothing lasts forever.

But I thought we would.

Keep Dreaming!

Agony.

She'll never get used to your embrace.
She'll never get used to your tides.
She'll never be enough of what you want.
She'll never be able to roll the dice.
Her love, it consumes her, but never burns out.
Like a never ending fuel, it's clean and without a doubt.
You and your electric soul, they consume her. But it's only your love which will excuse her. From this constant agony which has enclosed her.
You may love her or not, you may want to want her or not.
But she's the one who would happily sell a piece of her soul for a minute fragment of your thoughts.

Keep Dreaming!

Gone.

He's gone.
The moment your mind registers this, your heart does a back flip.You actually laugh at the words.
How the hell can that happen?
He isn't like that.But the expression on his face tells a different story.
He's gone, girl. He is not the the same anymore.Your mind screams at you but your heart yells in defense.

"You cannot end this. Not like this."

His face wears an expression of guilt. A tear escapes his eye and rolls down.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"
He's crying now. The whole story pours out. All about the arguments, the fights.. everything.
 He cannot do this.No! Not to me! Your heart tells me but your mind knows the truth.As he makes his way towards the exit, he turns back , at you.
"I hope we still are friends. Best friends. Just like we used to be."
"Yeah. Like we used to be."
As his lean silhouette gets veered from your sight, the reality of the situation smacks you down, on your knees.
The tapestry, you both wove with your love and trust, was torn down by him.

Destroyed.

There was nothing you can do.
Move on.Your heart and your mind say simultaneously.

Keep Dreaming!

A Beautiful Mess.

A Beautiful Mess.

There comes a point in your life when you just want to run away. But you also want to stay to see the inevitable. The tears can't stop streaming down your face and all you think is,
"I'm broken."

You see your broken pieces lying on the floor but you can't do anything. Everything relates back to 'it'.

It destroyed you.

Hacked on and on until nothing was left to put together. Your life becomes an endless cycle of profound actions and a jumble of words. Mumbling and cursing. You want to do something, anything to break the cycle but you watch helplessly as you get sucked in a black void of nothingness. Bitter feeling arise for those you loved, those you cared for. You always remain unhappy as you know that the happiness will be short-lived and you'll return to your black house. Any small thing brings you on the verge of freaking tears, and if you're me, you hate to cry. Food is tasteless and tight smiles are baseless. Civility gets lost and the darkest part of you comes out.

Nothing clears up and you begin to wonder if anyone sees you the way you do. You don't want happiness. You just want peace and a clear mind and an end to your agony. The world spins around you and you wanna scream "STOP!" and freeze time and break away from the fear of losing something you never had. You show that you don't care but a watchful eyes is always kept over.
You loved. You lost.
You ended yourself in the peak of love.

Keep Dreaming!

His Heartless Heart

Mind racing.
Body rigid.
Heart clenching.
Throat closing up,
 to contain a scream of heartlessness,
Of need.
Mind  going  in circles  like a film.
Reliving the memories both of us have lived.
Tears well up in my eyes trying to find a way out,
Of the messed up world inside.
Losing and winning, a part of life.
They say, but a black hole blows an inferno inside.
My heart’s in tatters, my mind sings of pain,
For the heartless heart, which loved me once,
Makes me go insane.

Picture Blog: Booklet of a Dreamer